39+ Week Appointment

Well, here we are at 39 weeks, still pregnant, but a little more balanced about it all, thanks to today's appointment and some insight from a very knowledgeable doctor.  I apologize for the lengthy story and photo free post, but I want to make sure I record these last few moments of this pregnancy and all the emotions that went with it.  Consider this to be a post for me, and Aubrey, so read it at your own risk. ;)

Headed to the doctor today I was just filled with emotion!  I have had high expectations for this pregnancy and my delivery and mixed emotions about it all.  So when the doctor looks at my chart, examined me, and listened to Aubrey's heart, he said everything sounds and looks perfect, I was even now 5cm--which is always good to hear.  But for me, a flood of emotions came on.  He began his feelings about induction--and the more he told me the more I know my face fell.  I entered the office with a date in my head, March 4, and he recommended waiting until 41 weeks before we scheduled a date for induction!  This thought of waiting until then brought back tons of emotions, and was definitely not what I wanted to hear.  He could tell I was struggling with the decision to wait, so he gave me his personal number--how unbelievably kind--so if I needed to talk to him more, or if Drew did, or if I changed my mind and wanted to be induced ASAP, it was ok to call him.

Looking back, once I dried my eyes and got past my initial reactions--this took a few hours into the day mind you--I believe that this doctor's words were meant for me and meant to help me feel better about the decision we made.  Here are a few things that made an impact--

"You're frustrated right now, but THAT frustration WILL go away.  However, if you make the decision to induce early, and something, anything were to go wrong, the guilt and shame you would feel after--even if it wasn't the cause--will not go away.  That will be there forever."

• This statement said affirmed everything I've felt but hadn't said out loud.  I am so blessed to have this baby inside of me, and regardless of her arrival date I will still have a baby in the end.  And if I am having doubts about early induction now, I know me, and I will blame any little fault with my delivery on that decision I made.  

"This anxiety that you are feeling, these sleepless nights is mother nature's way of preparing you for the arrival of your child.  Think mother bear sleeping with one eye open as she yearns to protect her baby.  This is the same thing, and your sleepless nights are increasing as the day of your baby's arrival draws nearer."

• Sleepless nights are a gaurantee now, and will not be ending anytime soon with the arrival of a newborn.  But I have always said it was God's way of preparing us for those nights, and again the doctor's words reminded me of this God moment and connection.

"Research shows that babies born at 41 weeks on their own without induction are less at risk than those infants born following an induced labor."

• I'm all about research based--but again, this was a little message from God to me, I firmly believe it.  I have been a bit obsessed about this baby's arrival.  My delivery with Bella went very smoothly, and quickly, and that is what I want for this baby girl and me when it comes to the laboring process.  However, I have always thought about this according to MY TERMS and MY DEADLINES.  Well this is great and all, but I am not the one in charge of all this.  God is.  Always has been, and always will be.  And while I have prayed and reminded myself of this time and again throughout this pregnancy, it wasn't until reviewing these words from the doctor did it finally click.  And I do believe did I finally hand it over to God.  

I have always believed EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.  And I do believe there is a reason this little girl needs to wait till atleast her due date, and possibly a few days after that.  And I also beleive that today's doctor, one of the many great docs in my OBGyn practice, was meant to be the doctor I saw today--so I could redirect all this anxiety and instead hand it over to the Lord.  And actually do it, not just say it.  

So that is what we did.  We handed it over to the Lord and I made another appointment for next Thursday with my doctor, who was on vacation this week.  Will we make it to then?  Who knows, but I truly feel confident in our decision to wait, and believe that it will work out in the end for everyone involved, thanks to God and his plan!